


The Journal of the Demon King

by spacedaydreamer



Series: The Fall of Windhm [1]
Category: Cadence of Hyrule: Crypt of the NecroDancer featuring The Legend of Zelda (Video Game), The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Genre: Content warnings:, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Non-Graphic Violence, POV First Person, the abuse is not explicitly described but is referred to, there's a departure in tone from the previous fics in this collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-19 14:41:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20324740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacedaydreamer/pseuds/spacedaydreamer
Summary: Young prince Vaati of Windhm was gifted a journal once, for his birthday. Though the things that would come to pass in his reign as king were yet to be seen, the journal would remain as a precursor to the fall of the once-great kingdom.





	1. The tenth year

May 31st

Today, I was gifted a journal by father. He gave one to me and Octavo, and said that we should ‘use them frequently’. I don’t really know what to write about, though. It’s a bit strange, to write in a journal. After all, nobody will ever see this but me.

I wonder if Octavo will use his at all. I doubt it, but it’s not like father would get mad at him for that. After all, he’s the crown prince, so it’s expected that things will be different for him. And I can’t exactly ask to see, either, considering it’s supposed to be a private thing. I know I wouldn’t want him reading any journal of _mine_, at least.

Perhaps it’ll be good to have a spot to get out everything on my mind, where I don’t need to speak to anyone else about it. That’s what I’ll use this for, then.

\- Vaati

* * *

July 19th

I had to sit in on one of Octavo’s music lessons again. It was horribly boring, as usual- all I do is sit and wait patiently, while he slowly goes through things over and over and over again. I’ve gotten rather good at getting my mind to wander, and I like to think about anything but where I am.

Today, I thought about what it would be like to fly. I’m a wind mage, but that’s something that’s still beyond me. It’s a shame, honestly. I’d like to be able to fly. I’m jealous of birds… they can go wherever they want. And they have such pretty feathers, too… I wonder what it would feel like to have feathers. Would it tickle? If I were a bird, I wonder what sort I’d be… perhaps a dove, or maybe a raven. There’s a lot of pretty birds out there.

I’ve heard that a prince in the past was able to use his magic to hear everywhere in the kingdom, so I’d like to try doing that. I wonder if I closed my eyes, would it feel as if I were flying?

It would be nice to find out.

\- Vaati

* * *

September 4th

I got in trouble today. They noticed that I wasn’t paying attention during Octavo’s music lessons, and his teacher started yelling at me. He didn’t say anything… but I didn’t really expect him to come to my aid. He never says _anything_ to me. People will talk about me and call _me_ quiet, but what about _him?_

Oh well. I guess it’s not his fault. I should’ve paid better attention, instead of letting my mind wander.

Still though, why do I have to sit and listen? He doesn’t have to listen to any of my lessons. I suppose it’s because he’s busier, being the crown prince. I’m a little jealous of him. He gets a lot more than I do… all because he was born a few minutes before I was. Isn’t that just unfair? Why should the order of our births determine so much?

I know it’s not really Octavo’s fault. I don’t blame him for it. But I still wish things were different, anyways.

\- Vaati

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! This fic got finished a lot sooner than expected, in part because I was working on it while I was posting the last one... it's going to be a shorter one, but that's because it's actually the first part of a two-part series within the AU.
> 
> As usual, a huge thank you to Amber for helping me with this AU! It was a collaborative effort between us, and the Vaati and Octavo of this era make me very emotional. Thank you for sticking with me even with the tone and format change, there's a lot on the horizon for twin princes au... but first, we've got this fic right here.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	2. The eleventh year

August 13th

Zephyr has been hovering a lot the past few days. I’m not really sure what’s going on with him. Ever since he was knighted, it’s like it went to his head- he’s always trying to check in on me or Octavo. He’s really annoying- so what if he’s a castle guard now? I don’t really care about that. I’m not getting in trouble, so I wish he’d just leave me alone.

He likes to talk a lot about when I was younger. He acts like I don’t remember anything, even if it was just from a year or two ago. Just because he’s seventeen, he gets to act like he’s a million times better than me…

I heard someone say that he’s going to try to become captain of the guard. I hope that he gets it, because then he’d be too busy to get in my hair all the time. And anything to keep him busy and distracted sounds like something good to me. Maybe then, he’d spend more time bothering Octavo.

\- Vaati 

* * *

October 9th

I was scolded again today. I don’t even know what I was doing wrong. I was paying perfect attention during Octavo’s lessons, but _he_ made a mistake- and somehow, I was to blame for it. His teacher is so annoying, I _hate_ her. I don’t know why Octavo tolerates her. Why can’t he ask father to find someone else? She’s so rude to me. She’s always rude to me.

Music isn’t even that special. Octavo isn’t that good at it, honestly- he’s always going slowly and making mistakes. Isn’t that supposed to be his specialty? He’s got rhythm magic, but it’s really weak. It’s a total joke.

My magic is a lot stronger than his. It’s really impressive, but nobody pays any attention to me. Everyone just watches Octavo with his, no matter how bad it is.

I hate it.

\- Vaati 

* * *

January 28th

I figured out how to cast my hearing further today. It was incredibly strange, but I liked it.

I was standing on my balcony, when I closed my eyes, In that moment, I felt like the wind was pulling me. I let my mind follow it, and I could hear things that I knew I shouldn’t have been able to hear.

Maybe this would be something to tell father about, but I don’t want to. He’d just ignore me anyways, so what’s the point? Or even worse, he’d just get angry at me, and try to tell me to stop. I’m not going to stop… so I’ll keep it a secret from him, I guess. It’s not like he’d ever notice, he only cares about Octavo. If he even cares about _him_... I doubt it.

But I don’t want to think about him. I like this power, it makes me happy. I’ve never felt as free as I had in my whole life at that moment… that _must_ be what it’s like to be a bird. Something like that… it was just… it was incredible.

When I had to come back to reality, I wanted to cry. Tomorrow, I’ll see if I can cast my hearing even further than today.

\- Vaati 

* * *

March 5th

Why are my lessons so boring? Honestly, it’s really annoying. I want to like what I’m learning about, but my tutors are all so horrible. They drone on and on, and then if I get distracted it’s _my_ fault. And I can’t even complain about them, because whenever one gets replaced a worse one arrives.

I wonder if it’s as bad for Octavo. I wonder if he gets all of the _good_ tutors? I wouldn’t be surprised. After all, he’s the crown prince. It’s probably something special that’s reserved for him… or perhaps it’s because I’m no good as a student.

According to books I’ve read, the previous prince Vaati was a genius. He spent all of his time studying, and he single-handedly saved the country from bankruptcy. And supposedly, the first prince Vaati who became king was _also_ someone who liked studying a lot… is it just me? Is there something wrong with me? Why can’t I bring myself to care about the same things the previous princes who shared my name did?

I know we’re not the same people, but I still wonder if I’m just broken. I think I am. After all, I’m supposedly their reincarnation. Why _wouldn’t_ I be the same, then? Maybe the fact that I do everything wrong is why nobody seems to have any faith in me. I wish I was better at caring for studying… but there really isn’t anything I can do about that. It’s not like my tutors give me any reason to want to read.

There’s no point in whining about it, I guess. Maybe in my next life, whatever is wrong with me now will be fixed.

\- Vaati


	3. The twelfth year

May 31st

Our birthday was today. It was our social debut as well, we’d been spending a lot of time in training for it recently. Our first time appearing officially as the princes of Windhm… it was strange, being finally allowed that sort of freedom.

Well, calling it freedom is a little generous.

It’s just that it’s different from last year. We were finally considered mature enough to actually go and interact with members of the court… compared to just showing up and being expected to keep our mouths shut. It’s not like I really care either way, though. What’s the point in a birthday? It isn’t really important.

I hear people talk sometimes, when I’m listening. They’ll talk about being excited about it, about having a day to themselves. But I don’t even get _that_. I’m expected to share my birthday with Octavo, share _everything_ with him… no, even that’s not true. After all, he gets first pick of everything. If he wants something, it’s his. I don’t get a choice.

I wish I could have just one day where I was the center of attention instead. One where people paid attention to me instead of him. But I know that won’t ever happen.

If I was only ever going to be ignored, why did have to be born? Maybe it would’ve been better if Octavo was an only child.

\- Vaati

* * *

July 20th

Father yelled at me today. I pushed Octavo- but it was an honest mistake. I didn’t _mean_ to do it! I just tripped, and he was beside me. I was just trying to catch myself, and I didn’t think about what would happen…

He was really mad, though. He thought I was trying to be mean, but why would I? It’s not like things are Octavo’s fault. And even if they _were_, I wouldn’t push him to get back at him. He doesn’t ever react to me… he never says anything. He just ignores me, constantly. It makes me wonder…

Why did father refuse to listen to me, though? He never listens to me. I doesn’t matter what I say, he never listens. I’m so tired of being ignored by him, but he just doesn’t care… why did I have to be born into this family?

\- Vaati

* * *

December 14th

I wish I was a bird. I want to leave so badly… if I were a bird, I could just get up and fly away. I’ll close my eyes and pretend, but that’s only ever pretend… I feel so trapped. I’m a bird with clipped wings, my magic is all I have to remind me of the idea of freedom… in some ways, it’s more cruel that I _am_ a wind mage. I have to live my life in this castle, forever inferior to my brother, with no way out.

I wonder if I’d be like this if I had any other magic. Would I still wish to leave? I doubt it… I’d probably be happier. Maybe then I would get along better with others in the castle.

I know it’s torturing myself to spend my time listening to the world beyond my window, but I do it anyways. Even the torture is better than spending my time wasting away, just avoiding my father and tutors. Anything is better than _that_.

Father would yell at me if he knew that I wanted to leave. He’d be furious. I can’t ever leave, because I’m supposed to stay and support Octavo. Doesn’t he see that’s unfair? That I don’t want to live my entire life in my brother’s shadow? It’s so unfair. I hate it. I hate it so much. I wish that Octavo would say something, even just _once_… but he won’t. He never does.

\- Vaati


	4. The thirteenth year

June 4th

Octavo’s started working on a greenhouse recently. I think he’s given up on music- he still does his lessons, and I’m still forced to listen, but he spends a lot of his free time in the garden. It’s nice, because it gets him away from me. When he’s distracted, I don’t have to worry about father yelling at me for _his_ mistakes.

I went into it today, because I was curious. It’s all a bunch of dirt right now, there’s a couple of plants just starting to bud… but it looks pretty stupid. He’s gotten these pretty chairs and table set up, and all of his tools around, but it’s all for a bunch of dirt.

Maybe I’m just not patient enough. I don’t really see the point in caring about something like a greenhouse, it’s just a waste of time. Besides, there’s already plenty of gardeners here. Is he trying to show off, or something?

He probably is. After all, he has to act _perfect_ in everything, even the stuff he sucks at.

\- Vaati

* * *

November 26th

Today, I had another big argument with Zephyr. He kept talking down to me, then insisting he wasn’t- he’s so _annoying_. Just because we’d play when I was a kid, he thinks I still want to spend time with him now- I’m too old for that! I don’t want to hang around some stupid royal guard!

I don’t get why he always acts so confused, either. He’s my father’s dog- all of the royal guards are. They belong to father, and someday they’ll belong to Octavo. It’s not like he’s really my friend, he was probably just going to report back on what I was doing.

I don’t need anyone going around and watching when I make mistakes to tell father. He seems to do a good enough job of noticing them on his own.

And yet, when I accused him of that, he got really upset. He acted like I’d said something wrong, and he got angry. Why should _he_ be angry, when _I’m _right? I know that nobody wants me around. I’m just a backup prince in case something happens to Octavo. Once he’s king, chances are they’ll only want me around as a body double.

He won’t want me around, I know that much. He probably forgets I’m even alive. Well, I don’t care anymore. He and Zephyr can go and play and spy on me for father, I don’t care. Nothing ever changes in my life, so they’ll be pretty bored of it pretty quickly.

I just want to be left alone.

\- Vaati

* * *

February 19th

I thought about running away again. I was really close to doing it, today. I want to just grab some things into a bag and run away and never look back… but where would I go? What would I do? I don’t have any skills or talents, so I couldn’t get a job. I don’t even know how to clean things.

Maybe it’s stupid to think about a life like that, but I feel like it would be better to spend all of my time working for someone else, than living a life where I just don’t matter. At least there, I’d have something to do. But all of this is just wishful thinking.

Really, even if I _tried_ to run away from here, I’d never get away with it. I’d be caught, and then I’d get in a lot of trouble. I don’t want to know how angry father would get… it’s a little scary to think about. He’d either be furious, or wouldn’t even care that I’d tried to leave.

I don’t know which is worse.

I really wish that I hadn’t been born, when the thoughts like those get into my mind. Anything would be better than wondering if father would even notice if I disappeared. But honestly… why would he notice? We don’t speak that often. I bet Octavo wouldn’t notice either. Zephyr’s probably the first person who_ would_, and that’s just because it’s his job to bother me. Stupid royal guard.

\- Vaati

* * *

April 3rd

I’m so tired of everything being my fault. I went to the library to pick out something to read so my tutor wouldn’t get mad at me for slacking, but I didn’t realize father was already in there. I picked out a random book, but I guess it was wedged too tightly into the shelf with the books around it- a few of them fell down, and made a loud noise.

Then, of course, father got mad at me. He blamed me for making the noise, as if I’d done it on purpose. Why is he so stupid? Why would I _want_ to do something like that? It was just a mistake! He’s so annoying sometimes, I wish he’d stop blaming everything on me.

It doesn’t matter what it is, he’ll never take the blame for things himself. Even if it’s something _he did wrong_, it’s always someone else’s fault. I don’t know why he always has to be so rude. Even to people who do everything he says, he still acts all rude.

I guess when you’re king you get to do that. Lucky. I know I’d never be able to get away with that. I’d get in so much trouble if I spoke at anyone like he talks.

\- Vaati


	5. The fourteenth year

July 21st

I hate my father. I hate him so much. I hate him so much that I want to _scream_. He’s horrible. Everything about him is just horrible.

Why does he always blame me for everything? Why does he always yell at me? It would be better if he just ignored me all the time. I hate him so much. _I hate him_. I wish he’d just shrivel up and die.

Just once, I wish Octavo would say something. That he’d do something. But he always just stays quiet and hides away like a coward. He runs away and hides in his _stupid_ garden, where nobody’s allowed to bother him.

I know that things will never go my way. I’m a stupid disappointment, father’s made that quite clear. But I still wish that maybe, things _could_ work out for me. Just once?

…I know better than to hold onto hope.

\- Vaati

* * *

August 14th

I looked at Octavo’s garden again today. It’s coming along well, the plants have really taken over… it’s kinda ugly. He just lets things grow however they want, it’s all chaotic- I don’t know what he’s thinking.

I had half a mind to just step on a few of the flowers, anything to piss him off, but I didn’t. I know he wouldn’t yell at me- he’d just stare with those stupid downcast eyes of his, and go back to ignoring me. He doesn’t _ever_ pay attention to me. He’s so annoying!

And he’s been growing all sorts of weird plants in there… it’s not just weak little flowers. There’s plants from places all over, not just Windhm… not that I’d know what any of them are. I don’t really care, I just saw signs that noted which plants were from where.

Did father give him those seeds? Or was it someone else? Perhaps it was Zephyr. He gets out of the palace sometimes, with the other royal guards. I bet it was Zephyr then, because I know father would never do anything nice for anyone else. Even if it _was_ Octavo.

\- Vaati

* * *

September 7th

I left the palace today. Father yelled at me again, so I grabbed my things and left. I don’t know what I was thinking, exactly… I just wanted _out_ of here. But I didn’t make it very far- I was seen by the guards right away.

And naturally, it was Zephyr who had to drag me back.

He went on and on, asking if I was ‘okay’ and wondering what I’d been thinking, telling me it was dangerous… but I don’t care. I really don’t care. Why _should_ I care? Nobody pays me any attention until I do something wrong, and he’s no different.

Goddesses, he’s infuriating. He’s so condescending, always pretending to care about me. I know he’s insincere, there’s no _way_ he cares- if he gave a shit, he’d do something. He wouldn’t just sit around and give the occasional pretty word. He’s such a liar. And I hate liars.

At the very least, he hasn’t told father. He promised me that he wouldn’t, so long as I didn’t try this again. I’ll give him that much, that’s something I suppose. But I don’t really expect much- father will demand the truth from him, and he’ll spill it eventually.

I hate him.

\- Vaati

* * *

March 2nd

I was practicing magic today on my own, because I was angry, and I discovered something new I could do. I was so mad, I just wanted to _hurt_ something, and when I threw my magic towards a tree, it cut like a blade. I didn’t know the wind could do something like that- but it did.

I practiced on some branches after that, so I wouldn’t get into trouble for cutting down a tree, but it still worked. It’s like I can turn the wind into invisible swords… I like it. I like that power a lot. It makes me feel strong.

Would the royal guards be jealous? I bet Zephyr would be. It serves him right. I heard he’ll be promoted to captain when the current captain retires… good. It’ll keep him too distracted to deal with me.

This magic is something I need to keep practicing. Once I’m good enough at it, maybe I can leave for good this time? Nobody would be able to stop me from just running.

\- Vaati


	6. The fifteenth year

September 30th

I hurt Octavo today. For real. I was on my balcony when I saw him out in the garden, so I decided to give it a try… I wanted to test my magic. I cut his leg with my winds, and he fell to the ground crying.

What a weak little baby. I barely hurt him, but he still had to go and run to get the clerics. Thankfully, he didn’t see me- I hid back in my room before anyone could get me in trouble. Honestly, why is he supposed to be king again? All he ever does is complain, or rely on other people. He’s so _annoying_.

I hate him, honestly.

It’s taken me so long to admit it, but it’s true. I hate him so much- my life would be so much better if I’d just been an only child. Father wouldn’t have to blame everything _he_ does wrong on _me_, if I was just an only child. I _hate_ taking the blame for him- he’s so stupid and worthless.

He stole everything from me. He stole away my happiness, my chance at being important, my _everything_. But that’s okay, because I can at least make his life hell. I can fuck with him with my magic, and nobody would be any the wiser. And then, once I’ve made him miserable, I’m going to run away. I’m going to leave and never come back, I’ll look after me and only me and nobody will ever yell at me again.

I can’t wait until I’m finally free. It’s only three more years until I’m eighteen- I’ll run away once I’m an adult. Nobody would question an adult on his own. And I could just blow away anyone who does question me with my magic.

It feels like a childish dream, to run away, but it’s all that keeps me going these days.

\- Vaati

* * *

December 4th

I feel so restless. I can’t sit still ever, and I’m getting in trouble for it. And getting in trouble just makes me more restless- I hate this! I hate it so much! Why does _nobody_ respect me here? They only care about the _perfect prince_, I’m nothing but a mistake.

I deserve to be king way more than _he_ does. He’s a complete and utter doormat, he just does whatever people tell him to do. Is that any way for a king to act? He’s pathetic! So completely and utterly pathetic!

It’s been so freeing ever since I admitted that I hate him. I don’t have to pretend to be _nice_ anymore- I do whenever anyone’s around, obviously. I don’t want to get yelled at. But I don’t bother being polite in the times where it’s Just us anymore. I just ignore him, because that’s the _most_ he deserves. He’d better not be mad about it, either… all he’s ever done has been ignore _me_, after all. I don’t care if he’s crown prince, _I_ won’t treat him differently just because of that.

I hope that makes him mad. I hope he’s really mad that I refuse to kiss the ground he walks on just because he was born first. What has he ever done to prove he _deserves_ that? Absolutely nothing! But knowing him, he probably hasn’t even noticed. He’s never noticed me, after all. And he never will, unless I really do something drastic.

\- Vaati

* * *

January 17th

Zephyr became captain of the guard today. Congratulations to him- I hope he stays out of my hair, now. He’s so fake, and he’s only gotten worse… I had to sit through the ceremony, and it was _so boring_. Everyone saying fake words, pretending to be nice- nobody there is nice. Every single person in this castle is a terrible person.

Me too, probably.

He acts like he wants to be a good person, he claims he’s loyal to the _kingdom_, but he’s just my father’s dog. Just like the rest of the knights… they’re just his stupid pets, who’ll follow what he says without question. Why would I _want_ to be friends with anyone like that? And now that he’s the captain of the guard, that means he’s the most loyal dog of them all.

I’m glad I’ve never trusted him, or any of them. I’m certain that anything I would say would go straight back to my father, there’s no keeping secrets from him. The only real privacy I have is here, in this journal… and even then, I suppose I can’t be certain nobody’s broken in to read it. I doubt it though, because if father knew about this then I’m certain he’d get _much_ worse.

I don’t know what I’d do if I found someone reading this thing. Part of me hates it- after all, it was a gift from _him_. And I hate him more than anyone in the world. But… I need this stupid book. It’s the only way I can say what’s on my mind without being scolded or yelled at or just _ignored_.

But I guess that’s just how I goes. No matter how much I despise father, I’ve still relied on him all these years. If I weren’t a coward, I would’ve tried harder to run away. I wouldn’t be waiting until I’m an adult. I guess I’m a little more like my brother than I thought.

Maybe we’re both just cowards.

\- Vaati


	7. The sixteenth year

July 10th

I went into Octavo’s garden again today. I wanted to ruin it, but I couldn’t think of a proper way to do so. Anything I did to actively destroy it would obviously be my fault, I couldn’t just stomp on things or cut things up… so instead, I just let the wind mess with it. It didn’t really do much outside of tear some petals off some flowers and rip up some leaves, but it at least felt nice to do.

Gardening is such a weird hobby for a prince. He’s so annoying. Whenever I see him, there’s dirt under his nails- does he really think a prince should look like that? But it’s always like that, so I doubt father yells at him for it.

That’s stupid. If I tried something like that, father would yell at me for sure.

Does he realize that he’s spoiled? He’d better. Stupid perfect prince… he just can never do anything wrong, no matter how wrong he is. I hate him so much. I’ve taken the blame on things for him too many times, and he never said or did _anything_.

I’m stronger than he is. I know I am. Some stupid _gardener_ has _no right_ becoming king. He wastes all of his time on that stupid worthless hobby, while I spend my life suffering? No. I hate that thought. I’m going to make him regret it.

\- Vaati

* * *

October 25th

I want to kill him. I want to murder my brother. It would be _so easy_. I know I could do it- my magic is strong enough. I snuck out of the castle to practice, and I can cut an entire tree down- if I can do that, murdering Octavo would be simple.

I don’t even care if I get caught. I don’t care if I get thrown into the dungeons, or executed- anything would be better than this hell I’m living every day of my life. At the very least, I could make him _suffer_. And I want that more than anything… he deserves to _suffer_.

Would anyone even try to stop me? Probably. I bet the guards would try to kill me for killing him. But… that doesn’t really matter. I don’t care anymore. I just really don’t care.

\- Vaati

* * *

January 7th

I’m scared of myself. Why can I only think about harming people these days? I know something’s wrong with me. But whenever I think about saying something, or trying to talk- I stop. I know all that would happen is I’d get yelled at again, and that’s just the best option. What if they locked me up? I don’t want to be stuck in a tiny cell somewhere… that would be hell. I’d die if I had to stay in the dungeons.

Everything is wrong. I can’t make sense of anything in my life anymore. No matter how hard I try, everything feels like it’s spinning out of my control. Have I ever really had control of things, though? I know that I haven’t. I never have. I’ve just been lying to myself.

Whenever I’ve done something to make myself feel in control, I’ve made a mistake. Maybe I should give up and just run away, then. That’s what I know my plan used to be. If I ran away, perhaps I could get away from this part of me that just wants to hurt everything and everyone around me?

I don’t know. I really don’t. I hate my father, but I guess I’m not really any different from him. All he’s ever done is make me miserable, and that’s all I want to do to others. I guess I should just give up, because clearly I’m the monster he says that I am.

At least I know that means he’s a monster, too.

\- Vaati

* * *

May 3rd

I’m an idiot. I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I thought that running away would fix things. I tried it again today, and I got caught- it was Zephyr, again. We were back inside the palace and before he could even say his lies, my father found us- it was clear what I was planning to do.

I can’t just run from my problems. I wish that I could, but I can’t. My father will spend the rest of his life breathing down my neck, ensuring that I hate him and everyone else around me. But I don’t really care about that… he’s a horrible, _horrible_ old bastard. I don’t even listen to his words anymore when he yells at me, I don’t need to… I’ve heard it all before.

I’m going to make sure he regrets having two sons. I’m going to make sure that he wishes I’d never been born. I’m going to kill Octavo, and then I’ll kill him. And I’ll enjoy it.

I can’t do anything until I’m eighteen. I need to wait until I’m old enough to be crowned king, and then I’ll act. Hopefully I don’t jump the gun and murder Octavo before time comes- I’ll admit, I want to. I’d love nothing more than to watch the life fade from his eyes. He’s the worst brother in the world.

It won’t be much longer. Not much longer, and I’ll be able to do it. Once I’m eighteen, my life will finally begin. I’ll be happy once they’re dead.

I just need my chance.

\- Vaati


	8. The seventeenth year

June 1st

One year. One more year. Yesterday was our birthday, and all I could think about was how it’s only one more year until I can _finally _end my suffering. I can finally kill him then- oh, it made me smile. And I think my smiling made father more pleasant than usual… he was pleased that I didn’t seem so downtrod. Better at pretending like I'm not living in hell.

If only he knew _why_. It’s not that he broke me, finally. It’s that I finally know how to get back at him.

I’m so much happier these days. I don’t care if he yells at me, I don’t care how anyone talks to me, I don’t care how Octavo ignores me. None of it matters anymore, not when the end is finally in sight. Not when I’m _this close_ to having my _freedom_. The throne will be mine… it’s what I deserve. I _deserve_ to be king, after the hell they put me through. My brother and my father will pay for _everything_ that I’ve been through.

I couldn’t help but fantasize about what it will be like to kill him. I’ve got a lot of options- but I think I’ll just use my magic. It will be so satisfying… I can ensure it’s _painful_. Maybe I’ll squeeze the air from his lungs, or I could rip his body to shreds… I could even try to force bubbles into his bloodstream, see if _that_ causes him any pain.

It turns out, I’m not always useless at studying. There’s some books about certain… afflictions and ailments that’d caught my eye. Apparently, reading about the macabre isn’t as boring- people can kill in some _fascinating_ ways.

I want to keep reading. Then, I can think of something perfectly designed just for Octavo.

Hopefully he thanks me for spending so much time thinking about his _gift_.

\- Vaati

* * *

November 23rd

I want to kill him. I want to kill him. I don’t want to be patient any longer. I’ve waited _so long_ for this, I just want to kill him already.

Today, as I was sitting in the library, he entered. I don’t really know or care what he was looking for, but I was so tempted- it would’ve been so easy. He wouldn’t have been able to do anything, to say anything… hell, I could’ve made it look like an accident. I could’ve pushed a bookshelf and crushed him… I almost wish I had. That would be a painful way to die, wouldn’t it? But no. I need to be patient. I need to wait.

Goddesses above, even the sounds of his _breathing_ annoy me now. I just want him to stop existing, is that so much to ask? To finally get rid of my brother? There never should’ve been two of us, anyways.

People say that the twin princes of Windhm are supposed to be a blessing, but they’re full of shit. We’re just named after some old dead people- what bearing should they have on our lives? None! If those ancestors are watching us, I hope they’re angry at me- I hope they can’t rest peacefully. I was born to make people miserable, I know that. So nobody can get angry at me for embracing my fate.

Perhaps I should resist it more. Perhaps that would be the good thing do to. But I don’t care anymore. All I want is to watch this world bow before me.

\- Vaati

* * *

April 16th

I’m looking forwards to seeing Zephyr’s face when I try to claim the throne. He’s _claimed_ to me that he’s more loyal to the kingdom than the king… so if I usurp my father, that means he’ll be _my_ dog. By the goddesses, I’d love nothing more than that- finally getting to kick that stupid royal guard around, after he’s caused me nothing but trouble.

Besides, it’d be what he deserves. No good person could so eagerly work for my father, they all know what he’s like. Everyone knows what he’s like, but he’s the king, so it’s fine. That’s how the world works- when you’ve got power, you can do whatever you want.

That’s why I can’t wait until _I _have the throne. I’ll be the most powerful person in Windhm… and beyond status, I have my magic. I’ve been practicing a lot- it’s funny how the thing that finally got me to practice diligently was plotting to murder my brother! It’s certainly not what anyone might have expected, but I don’t care. It doesn’t really matter in the end.

All that matters is results. And I’ve seen them, I’ve been working hard. It’ll be easy to make him suffer when he dies. I’m certain he’ll curse my birth, but I don’t care- I’ve cursed _his_ for _years_.

-Vaati


	9. The final day

May 30th

Our birthday is tomorrow. After all this time, it’s so close- one more day. Just one more day of waiting, one more day of suffering. One more day, and everything will stop. I’ll be happy. I won’t have to worry about Octavo or father, I’ll have finally claimed the life that _I want._

It’s hard to believe that I’ll be eighteen tomorrow. Eighteen years of having to put up with every pain of my daily life… admittedly, I spend some time wondering. I’d imagine it’s not exactly _right_ to want so strongly to kill my brother… but I just don’t _care_. I don’t care if there is something wrong with me, because anything is better than being _broken_ like _he_ is.

He’s always been such a weak little coward, a rat who’ll _never_ amount to _anything_. He deserves what’s coming to him- he never said anything. He never did anything. He left me on my own to deal with everything, when he was _perfect_ and everyone _loved_ him.

Everything was my fault. Always my fault. Whether or not I did anything wrong, it was still my fault, so I don’t see any problem with this. After all, it’s still _my fault_. I’m just embracing that, is there anything wrong with it?

But I don’t want to think about the trouble he’s caused me. That is all going to end forever. I’m going to kill him, and I’m going to become king or die trying. Even if I get killed for my actions, I don’t care- it’s better than_ this_. At least I’ll have killed _him_ first, and he’ll get to spend a few minutes longer in hell than I will.

I want him dead. I want him dead. I want to kill him. I want to kill him. I want to kill him so much. I hate him so much. I hate him. He’s the source of everything wrong in my life and always has been. I’m going to kill him. I cannot wait to kill him.

I’ve planned out how I’m going to do it. I am so looking forwards to watching his face as he dies… I wonder how he’ll respond? Perhaps he’ll cry… that would suit the weak bastard. Or perhaps he’ll beg for forgiveness, as the air is drawn from his lungs… oh, wouldn’t that be sweet? Ah, I pray he does something like that- just so I can laugh at him and make it all the more painful. If he doesn’t understand why I hate him, it’s his own damned fault.

I won’t let anyone get in my way, if they try to stop me, I’ll kill them to. I need him dead, I _need_ it- I won’t be happy until he’s out of my way.

I keep imagining it- his blood flowing onto the floor of the throne room, the way his eyes will stare lifelessly once he’s dead… I need it. I need it so badly. I need to kill him. It’s what I deserve! I deserve revenge for the hell he’s put me through! _Everything_ has been his fault! I hate him… I hate him so much. I hate him! _I hate him!_

Why did he have to be born? Why did we have to be twins? It’s his fault! Just because he was born a few minutes before me, he got _everything! _So now, I’ll take it all from him! I’ll take back everything I _deserve!_

You can curse my name from hell, brother, but I will not be listening.

\- Vaati


	10. The eighteenth year

May 31st

I did it.

\- Vaati

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all he wrote...
> 
> Thank you everyone for reading, even if this one was definitely different from the previous fics in the AU. The next fic is actually a direct sequel to this one, taking place at the same era... it'll fill in some of the gaps from this fic, and hopefully help explain one of the characters who was brought up in this one.
> 
> I hope you'll stick with me to the next one and the things planned beyond, they're going to be formatted like more typical fanfics but I really wanted to try something different for this one.
> 
> Again, thank you very much for reading.


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